Real 80s Shit Weekend

By now everyone's seen and of course bitched about Quicksilver's "80s Vert Jam" event wherein a bunch of 80s vert pros--you know, from Hawk to Hosoi--throw on some flowery shorts, show up with a flock of seagulls coif, pull out an 80s retro model and proceed to shred... a 13' vert ramp. Actually, I've no idea what the actual dimensions of the ramp are, but it sure looks to me a lot like a standard 13' tall, 11' tranny vert ramp. I'm sure I'm wrong about that, but I'd nevertheless like to see some of those dudes skate a "real" 80s vert ramp, or at least a typical backyard vert ramp from that era. I'm talking 9' tall with 8' trannies and a foot of vert. You know, the one that seemed to be on every corner in the mid-80s... the one you couldn't skate because the owner didn't allow drinking, or because he just didn't like your little ass.

C Bad would fuck up a jump ramp back in the 80s

Or scratch that. Fuck the old pro dudes: I'd like to skate a good old 80s vert ramp with those dimensions. And, since everyone claims I'm living in the 80s anyway, it might be a good idea to practice what I preach and simply accept that I'm what everyone claims I am: that is, an 80s retro moron who's completely out of touch with today's skateboarding scene.

No problem. Done. But I'm going to take it a step further. Not only am I going to seek out real 80s type terrain to skate this weekend, and possibly for weeks after that depending on whether I can find anything good, I'm literally going to attempt to live in the 80s by refusing even to talk to anyone who didn't grow up skating in the 80s! That'll teach anyone not to be as old as me! In fact, I think I'll compound the idiocy by acting exactly like I did back then, meaning I'll be a total dick to every other skater I run across, if any (that should be the easy part, I'd guess.)

So rather than head out to the brand new, state of the art concrete skate park down in Cherokee, I'm going to build a jump ramp and skate it in my driveway this weekend. I've also got a line on an 80s-style mini ramp that--get this--is located on South Central street, of all places, so I can get my 80s "Bloods and Crips" on as well. I doubt many 80s gangstas skated, but we're making the rules here, so fuck you. The point: there's no reason to run a blog if you can't find excuses to act like an idiot. Plus, I want to find out just how comfortable I am with my 80s self, you know, for the kids. Anyway, I'm off Friday. So, if you grew up skating in the 80s, know who I am, and can hang with some real 80s shit weekend shenanigans, gimme a call. If not: don't talk to me! Or I mean: shine, dude! I'll be out shralping. Definitely more to come on this one.