Green Chile

Where I come from, "Mexican food" is the generic term used to describe the regional cuisine. New Mexico style food itself dates back to the Spanish colonial era, which began in the territory of Nuevo México in the sixteenth century when Spanish colonizers and missionaries established a northern outpost of the viceroyalty of Nueva España among the local sedentary, indigenous Pueblo peoples. New Mexican cuisine is a regional variation of (originally Spanish and later) Mexican food fused with indigenous culinary traditions, and especially featuring the New Mexico green chile plant, which is a highly nutritious and potentially very hot and even addictive member of the chile family cultivated locally since pre-Colombian times.

New Mexicans have their own chile-centered spins on all the traditional Mexican favorites: enchiladas featuring either green or red (mature green chiles turn red) sauces topped with a fried egg done over easy; and chiles rellenos featuring New Mexico greens are the two most popular. Recently, as New Mexico has become fully "gringo-ized," New Mexicans have toted out green chile burgers and even frito pies slathered in "real, authentic" New Mexico chile sauce.

When it comes to food, authenticity is a tough sell. It doesn't take much investigating to find that New Mexican cuisine has changed pretty dramatically over the years. In fact, "New Mexico" style food refers less to historical consistency than to the presence of the central ingredient--green or red New Mexico chile. Any dish featuring this item pretty much qualifies as "authentic" New Mexican food... unless the New Mexico chile was imported from some place else. Don't believe me? The New Mexico state legislature is expected to pass a law designating only those chiles grown in New Mexico as "authentic" New Mexico chile. As it should be.

New Mexicans are quick to point out that there are a lot of green chile impostors out there. Often misrepresented as New Mexico green chiles are the poblano, the jalapeño, the serrano, the (god, no!) anaheim and, worst of all, "chilis" grown in Texas. The "real" deal comes in several varieties, but the Big Jim (medium hot) and Sandia (hot) strains are by far the most popular among "real" New Mexicans, whom we'll define as people who have lived there for at least fifteen years and who vote Democrat. Not that other types of chiles are necessarily inferior; it's simply that New Mexico chile is just better than any other kind.

In short, New Mexico chile defines New Mexican-style food. So, factors like geography don't matter if the chile is not present... for instance, someone in Albuquerque eating a pizza is not eating "New Mexico" food in any sense other than by the accident of that person being physically in New Mexico. If that person added, say, some green chile to that pizza (as we often do), that person would then be eating New Mexico food. Got it? Great. In the end, there really are no rules when it comes to New Mexico food. Some people may do it better than others, but, so long as New Mexico chiles are in the mix, you can't really do it wrong. But please, don't cook with a fucking anaheim pepper and claim you're eating New Mexico food! You're not! Instead of trying to gain legitimacy by associating whatever it is you're eating with our cuisine, call it what it is: Texas impostor plant cuisine or something like that. Don't be ashamed of what you are!

Skateboarding?

It seems to me that, much like New Mexican cuisine, authentic skateboarding is also defined by a central "ingredient:" that is, the skateboard. Other versions, though similar, simply aren't the same thing. Those impostors include, but are not limited to, the downhill longboard, the street luge, the T-board, the freestyle board and all sorts of hybrids. (I admit I'm not sure about some cruisers.) Don't believe me? You think any kind of board with wheels on it is technically a skateboard? Explain to me why they aren't called skateboards, then. People who ride those things have long tried to associate their activities with skateboarding so as to gain credibility, but, believe me, they are not skateboarders.

Authentic skateboarders skate street and vert, downhill, open beers, cruise ditches and schralp pools, hell, occasionally even freestyle, and countless other things on skateboards: not on street luges or carver-boards. Skateboards, defined broadly, usually range from 7 to 11 inches wide and from 30 to 38 inches in length. They have either four or eight wheels and a discernible, utile nose and tail (historical models exempt from description; thus the cruiser quandary). Some people may do it better than others, but, so long as you're riding an actual skateboard, there's really no way to do it wrong. Just don't ride a downhill board and call yourself a skateboarder. Whatever it is you are, call yourself that. Be proud of what you are... whatever that may be. Don't worry, we won't judge you. Once you disassociate yourself with skateboarding, there won't be any reason for us to pay any attention to you at all.

...probably not.