Piney Flats Sk8 Punk Crew

So, I barely even got the word that the Piney Flats Sk8 Punk Crew had busted out of prison last Saturday night before they were at my door with a plan to hit up all my best pools the next day. What did I get out of it? The usual: the crew helped themselves to a case of my beer and a bottle of Jack I had laying around, sniffed out my weed and what was left of an 8-ball I just scored and informed me that, if I didn't want my ass kicked, I could drive them around to all my pools and take pictures of them skating. Gee, thanks.

 

I reluctantly escorted the crew over to the "Volunteer" bowl, one of the best permissions I've got going right now, and the dudes proceeded to schralp the place. No doubt about it, the Piney Flats Crew are some straight OG rippers and they will definitely get down in a pool. Of course, these dudes were pounding brews and snorting coke the whole time, and the sketchy fuckers hadn't gotten five runs in before I noticed that Tom (alias) was missing. Next thing I see, dude's crawling out the back window of the house. He'd just broken into it while the people were still asleep and stolen a bunch of liquor and jewelry and shit! Then he went right back to skating the pool like nothing happened! When, after twenty minutes or so, Tom mentioned that he'd always wanted a flat screen TV like the one he saw inside, I did some fast talking and convinced the Crew to cruise with me over to the "Blue Balls" pool, which is a permission pool so good you can't fuck with it. 

At least, that's what I thought. The Blue Balls session was heavy from the get go. Elmer, we'll call him (pictured above), had just crail-tapped the shallow on his first run when I (thankfully) snapped this photo a little late. By the time we got there the brews were already running low and I could see Tom eyeing the house like he wanted to creep on it, so I begged him to be cool and just skate the pool. To my surprise, he promised he wouldn't break into the house just for me, but seemed to think it was pretty damned funny that he hadn't promised not to break into the neighbor's house and, sure enough, he was back with a wad of cash and a bunch of pornos in no time flat. Meanwhile, Elmer was tossing everything from lawnmowers to patio furniture in the back of my truck between runs so, in the hopes of saving this permission rider, I finally talked their drunk-asses into heading over to the Time Capsule.

Of course, we didn't get half way to the last pool of the day before the Piney Flats homies claimed they had to stop and take a piss at the gas station. Not surprisingly, no sooner had we arrived at the Piggly Wiggly than the fuckers simultaneously slid on their ski masks, cocked their weapons, and left me with the truck idling while they went in and terrorized the place. I never heard so much ammo expended over eight packs of Fruit Stripe Gum, a bag of Funions, and a twelve pack of tall boys, but they sure seemed to think it was necessary. And, yeah, they did manage to piss all over the place, too. When I asked why in the fuck they didn't get more beer they looked at me like I was crazy. They answered "we got 50,000 more rounds" like I was some sort of idiot.

Believe me, I begged the owners of the Time Capsule not to let us skate. I explicitly informed them that the dudes holding me hostage were indeed escaped prisoners with serious convictions ranging in everything from money laundering to bovine anal rape. But, cool as ever, the yuppie fucks said "Come on in and skate" and, fifteen minutes later, the house was on fire and Elmer and Tom had yet another (alleged) assault, attempted homicide and arson charge staring them in the face if they ever get caught.

Let me tell you, taking photos of pool sessions this punk is nerve racking. I mean, dudes were making me nervous! On the one hand, the Crew kept asking if I got any good shots of them doing this and that... "Put pictures up on the Coiler, dude!" But then they'd eye me like, "You better not have gotten a good shot of my face in that photo!" All I know is I wasn't really trying to get too many mug shots! I don't understand why these dudes don't save themselves some time and energy and take a clue from the Barrier Cult: keep the ski masks on! Maybe that way I'd feel a little better about snapping some better skate pics of these guys. At any rate, it was all in a good day's fun for the Piney Flats Crew, who dropped me off at home, tossed me a couple of brews, and even left me $5 for gas. Last I heard, they said something about going to check out a Misfits show. I guess old punks never die: they just keep finding new ways to take people's money!