Collaborative Interview

The Daily Coiler staff is proud to announce a series of collaborative interviews. We'll be teaming up with our colleagues at other skate magazines and web sites to bring you important, cutting edge social commentary from the iconic world of professional skateboarding. Our main emphasis is to create a dialog between generations of skaters: each of our posts will feature important, senior members of the skateboarding media interviewing up and coming young rippers. We're especially excited to bring you the initial series interview featuring Stretch McPherson, chief editor of Cement Boogie Boarder magazine (SMc), who recently sat down to talk to Mike Munchkin (MM), the fifteen-year-old young schralper out of San Jose you've all been seeing kill so many video parts lately. We hope you enjoy.

SMc: So I haven't seen you skate yet, but why don't you tell me about myself. I'm sure you read Cement Boogie Boarder, that is, if you're a "real" skater and not one of these clueless groms coming up today.
MM: Cement Boogie Boarder? Oh yeah I seen that... that's those longboard kooks right?
SMc: (Aghast) No! That's those hardcore one hundred and ten percent "real" skaters. I guess you probably haven't heard of us... typical. Let me clue you in on something, poser. It's called punk rock. Ever heard of that?

Mike Munchkin

MM: Fuckin' A. I grew up listening to Fang, Eyeball and Los Olvidados. I'm from the bay, dude. My dad had me carving pools when I was two years old and shit. I rolled in off the roof at Belmar's when I was five...
SMc: (Interrupts) Don't give me that Yo! MTV Raps hippity hoppity bullshit kid. I'm talking the B-52s! Echo and the Bunnymen! Real punk rock! There's no room for your Run DMC crap in the world of hardcore skateboarding.
MM: DMC who? I'm more into GG, man. But who cares, right? It's all cool as long as you're skating...
SMc: No. It's not "all cool." Today's younger skaters need to learn a lesson or two about "authentic" skate history. You need to learn to skate with speed! You need to give up the hippy dippy hop rap shit, quit doing your little stationary kick flippity bullshit and start skating some vert like a real man!
MM: Oh, well, see, me and my crew already built a 10,000 square foot DIY concrete skate park with our bare hands. It's got a thirteen foot wall with three feet of vert... I don't do a lot of kickflips, but I did do a padless kickflip to backside smith over fifteen coping blocks on acid there one time... Is that punk enough for you?
SMc: Ha! The Backside Smiths? I'm talking real punk rock: the Smiths! You need to feel the violent encounter of truck on steel, buddy! It's called a grind! Ever hear of that? I don't know what you're talking about with this DIY crap, but believe me, there's real vert on the mini ramp section at the city park buddy!!
MM: Oh, shit! I have seen you... yeah, dude, you're that dude with the elbow pads and wrist guards and shit who yells at the kids and shit all the time... what do they call you? Oh yeah: Scumline Sally! Ha ha! That is you... you ever grind the three foot section yet?
SMc: Grind? Puh-leez! I was too busy going fast! I ripped a hardcore punk speed carve on that obstacle instead. Besides, only epic and iconic skate legends--you know, my heroes--actually grind.
MM: That's funny, cuz I saw some eight-year-old kid frontside nosegrind across the whole thing just yesterday.
SMc: Speed, dude. That's what it's about. Not to mention naked chicks! I always put naked chicks on my hardcore 100% skateboard web site to show how manly a skater I am! Maybe you ought to log on sometime, Tone Loc, you might learn what real men are into, that is, speed and chicks.

Stretch McPherson

MM: Wait a minute. I think we learned about that type of shit in sociology class the other day. Yeah dude I wasn't even blazed or nothing so I remember. Isn't that like, overcompensating or some shit... like you want everyone to think you're hardcore cuz you're afraid they think you're a longboarder queer? Yeah, the teacher said that dudes with small dicks do that type of shit.
SMc: Hey now, kid! Real men skate fast and have pictures of naked chicks everywhere! I dare you to log onto our web site and say something like that! We'll teach you a thing or two about what skating's all about there, Young MC!
MM: Yeah, well, I'm not really much of a "talk" dude, brah. I don't need some kook on some dork web site to tell me what skating's all about... er, I mean except for the Daily Coiler! They are paying me for this interview, right?
SMc: Not that I know of, kid.
MM: Then fuck the Daily Coiler! Fuck this bullshit. I'm gonna go skate (leaves).
SMc: (Yelling out doorway) You poser! You'll never be an epic and iconic skateboarder! You'll never be in Cement Boogie Boarder! You'll never know the real me! (Sobbing) You'll never know the real me! I'll change skateboarding! I'll make them understand... I'm the world's realest skater... I'll show them all! I will grind some day! You'll see! Those naked chicks like me! They really do... I'm hardcore... I'm 100%! I'm (sniff, sniff) a real man...

Ok. I think that went well. Just for the record, Munchkin did come back and, after hugs all around, the two went and skated Mike's DIY spot and later hit up one of the crew's pools out in Oakland. Apparently, Munchkin was ripping his usual array of gnar-dog hesh tricks while--it has been confirmed by an independent source--McPherson's wheels did actually graze the scum line, a true first for him. For whatever reason, both McPherson and Munchkin are suing the Coiler for libel. So, however ironically, it looks like the Coiler has achieved its original intention with this experimental interview by uniting generations of skaters... in this case, by their mutual hatred for our operation. At the Coiler, one way or another we get things done.