D.I.E. Skates

D.I.E. Skates is Tom and Elmer's (of Piney Flats Skate Punk Crew fame) new venture. The acronym stands for Do It yErself. They met me down at their new shop which, to my astonishment, was stocked with nothing but chainsaws and some seriously fucked-up looking shop decks... in fact, the latter seemed to be hand-made single plies. I sat down with them and they explained their concept.

DC: So where did the whole D.I.E. thing come from?
Tom: Well, last time I was in the bing I was reflecting on just how much I wanted for myself and pretty much everyone in the world to die. So I just thought it would be a cool name for a skate company.
Elmer: Plus it fit with the whole "do it yerself" concept. We were tired of seeing skate companies that try to act all punk but fucking don't really exist on a d.i.y. type level. We wanted to get back to some shit where the skaters take control and literally do it themselves.
DC: So how does that work?

D.I.E. Skateshop

Elmer: After I busted out of the joint we were skating this park and these kids were wanting to buy boards from us and shit. I was like, "look kid, there's a fucking tree right there. Cut it down and make your own goddamn skateboard. Don't wait for some fucking commie Chinese skate company to do it for you. Do it yerself! Now go die!"
Tom: Then it was like, "damn! There's fucking trees every goddamned place... why the fuck aren't skaters making their own decks instead of buying the shit from a bunch of pinkos who don't really even skate?" I mean, I support anything that's fucking wrong with the world, but subjecting workers in a communist country to the work environment dictated by a capitalist free market is too much even for me to take, dude. 
DC: So is that where the whole chainsaw thing comes from?
Tom: Hell yeah. Come in here and fucking take one of our saws--we'll even lube it up for you--and go chop down your own tree. It's fucking d.i.y. to the essence, dude. Real punk shit. Fuck the environment... fuck the world for that matter.
DC: So that's it? Just go chop down a tree and make a deck somehow? You got any glue or anything?
Elmer: What am I? A fucking scientist? Figure it out yourself you little bitch.
DC: But, I mean wouldn't it make sense to at least rent out the chainsaws or something? How the hell can you make any money?
Tom: Damn, you're stupid. If you "got" the punk thing at all you'd understand we ain't no sell out ass bitches. We ain't selling shit. Strictly hardcore.

D.I.Y. deck crafting

Elmer: Besides, we're perfectly capable of kicking your ass and taking your money. We don't have to sell you anything, dude.
DC: What about these shop... er, "decks" I guess you'd call them? Aren't they for sale... or are they "team" boards?
Elmer: Well, yeah, I guess technically you got us there. We do "sponsor" a lot of the local skaters. But it's rad, though. We only charge $15 bucks a board, so it really helps everyone out.
DC: One of your shop riders is a homeless Vietnam vet with no legs who pan handles from a wheelchair! He broke your shop deck by eating tacos off of it! He claims you make him buy two, three decks a week at gun point!
Elmer: No, we "sponsor" him, just like any other shop does. Our decks may not be the same quality as some, but since we're grandfathered in at the wood shop we basically get them for free and can make a few bucks selling them to our team members for cheap. It keeps the local scene alive, dude. Plus cheap shit is way more punk than good shit. You'd know that if you weren't a poser.
DC: Some of these kids buy three or four decks a week and then go around telling everyone they're sponsored! You don't think that's taking advantage of a thirteen-year-old? If a kid's really sponsored, why not legitimately hook him up with free shit instead of making profit off of him?
Tom: I got a question for you. How you gonna keep asking all these questions with a chainsaw shoved up your ass? We told you we're d.i.y. Pretty soon you're gonna start asking about our Nike deal or what?
Elmer: Yeah, dude. We're punk cuz we say so. Don't you understand that old skate punks are entitled to make millions of dollars off skating one way or another? I mean, didn't you watch the Dogtown movie? I bet the guys featured in that became instant millionaires when it came out.
Tom: Exactly. Punk's about freedom, dude. Specifically, it's about the freedom to be a fuck up your whole life and then cash in on it. Other than that, there are no rules, dude. So quit fucking blowing our scene with your "do-gooder" questions.
Elmer: But before you go, gimme your wallet, bitch... Oh, and remember, the new shop decks are in! Go ahead and take a couple, since you're on the team and shit. Let's see, that'll be... ten, twenty... hey! You owe us ten bucks, mother fucker!

I'm not sure if D.I.E. Skates is going to enable Tom and Elmer to "cash in," as per their sense of entitlement, but I can tell you that this advertising platform for their new shop is absolutely free to them! Here's hoping that other companies will wise up and allow us to pay them to advertise for them as well. Now that's punk. Why? Cuz Tom and Elmer said so!